I'm RICH!!!

And we wait... for EEG results for Aiden and for Sophie's next round of scans. In the mean time, I am searching for ways to laugh more, savor more live more richly than ever before. And, I'm not talking about money. I am talking about living a rich life!!!

Today I was taken to lunch by a few women I really admire. We celebrated a birthday, we shared about our heritage, our children and ate excellent food. I was deeply touched by the love each of them has for their children. I think all moms who truly love their children are a gift like no other. I learned from my mom, who was a great role model, and still is. I know she gets tired and needs a break from us, but I appreciate and see her in each of these women I had lunch with. The mothers with grown children who are trying to help them be better adults. The woman with pre-teen children who worries about missing a homerun or other milestone. I can relate. Though my concerns are medical, I think the fact that we all four had that in common was really neat.

I trimmed Sophie's hair tonight and we laughed over and over about just silly stuff that nobody else would understand. I am so proud of the woman she's becoming. I don't want to hear bad news in her future, and I know God is watching over us, but if we do, I will know... know in my heart that I have loved her, cherished her and laughed and appreciated her enough. I try every day to love her more, appreciate the little things she does. Like watching American Idol and listening to her talk about how she could do what those kids do. She then asked what I want her to be when she grows up. A very philisophical question for a nine year-old. I told her I want her to be whatever makes her truly happy. She said, "No mom, what did YOU want me to be when I was a baby", and then I told her how she always sang and cooed so well that I wouldn't mind it if she sang for a living. She cracked up laughing, and said, "I knew you would say that"... We both had a good laugh... she laughs and my heart smiles.

Me and Sophie at her 9th birthday party a few weeks back.

This picture makes me want to cry. So sweet of my mom and Aiden.

Today was Aiden's EEG. Mom had to take him, but she said Elmo saved the day. She put that in the DVD player in the room, sat him down, and before he could see the machine, he said, "Head", like he just knew. Part of that makes me deeply sad, but another part is thankful that he now knows what to expect when he goes into have the EEG's. Mom dropped him by my office on their way home tonight. It was so great to see his little face when he saw me when he was getting off the elevator on my floor.... He smiled SO big! He grabbed me and kept putting his head down on my shoulder, it was so sweet. My mom walked into the office, and then I told her to go ahead and go, because she was tired. It was quite an ordeal to hold a two year-old down while he has a million little leads placed on his head. God I hope it's normal! He was so cute in my office. He got into my co-worker's leather chair (with a little help) and kept sliding down and giggling. It was cute, even if he was a little loud. Aiden was so tired tonight, he didn't eat much dinner. He drank his milk, and wanted to run around the living room. That is, until he's too tired. Then, he goes into his room, grabs his blankets (sometimes more than he can carry) and says, "Nigh Nigh?" and walks back toward his room. He's such a good baby. I turned up the baby monitor tonight so I can hear him breathe. I know it's weird, but every time he has a test like that, even if I can't be there, I go back to him in the NICU. And, I pray earnestly that he keeps healing and developing normally. God and some great doctors, and I do think he will. He's come so far already.

See.... :)

The same Lion is used in both pictures. Puts it into perspective how small he was at 3lbs 11.8oz.

Aiden at 22 months. 30 pounds of happy!

On some days, I don't know how I get out of bed. I just want to crawl back into my clean white sheets and hide. But, when I think of these two sweet faces, and how far they've already come, I know I can face another day. I like my job, my family and friends are amazing (yes, that includes you). I am living a rich life, just full of blessings. I am overwhelmed by God's grace, though I know he loves me through my iniquities. I know he's MORE. He's MORE than I need. He'll provide MORE than I need, and more than THEY need. He's going to see us through this, and I know my worry is normal, but it still hurts. I'm not going to lie about it. It just does.

Histio sucks, Epilepsy sucks, Cerebral Palsy sucks, and Hypergammaglobulunemia of prematurity sucks! But, God doesn't promise us that life won't suck. His promise is that it might be bearable with his help, if we let him walk beside us through our trials. And, on another note, Matthew 9:21 says, "She said to herself, "If I only touch his cloak I will be healed."" I know in my heart that God is the great healer, and that through Jesus, healing is very very possible.

I am RICH!!!!

Goodnight friends,
J