Hope through pain...

Today was so hard. I know there are going to be rougher moments than this, but this one is right up there. I worked 'til 11am and then I went to pick up Sophie to go to her PET Scan. She was not happy about potentially having to get stuck again. But, with everything, I have promised to be honest so when she asked me whether or not she was going to get stuck again or not, I had to say yes. Honesty stinks sometimes.

They're going to stick me AGAIN?

So, we arrived around 12:30 to the medical center and she was checked in. She was NOT happy and kept asking how long it would take. They finally got her stuck around 2:30pm... She's really hard to get a vein on right now and it was absolutely gut-wrenching to watch. They took their time and finally got the injection in so it could do it's job.

My veins like to roll, YAY ME!

So, finally, they took us into a nice cozy room where she could watch cartoons and relax a bit. She bundled up in a warm blanket and then I put her Tinker Bell blanket on top. She was MUCH happier and when I told her that she wasn't getting stuck anymore today, she was delighted!

NO MORE NEEDLES TODAY? WOO HOO!

Needless to say, she was beat. She hadn't had anything to eat all day and she was emotionally spent because during the little "needle break" they took, she confessed to me that she felt that her whole life from now on was going to be terrible and started to cry. I don't know how to soothe that. I don't know how to make that better... except to tell her that yes, there are going to be some terrible parts, but that I was always going to be right here. I kept having to tell her to take deep breaths and to look into my eyes and she would see the strength she needed. I told her that I want nothing more than to trade places with her, and that if I could take the pain away, I really would.

After about 45 minutes, they called her into the room with the scanner. The thing was huge... But she was so excited that there were no more needles I got a great big smile out of her.


REALLY, MOM? AGAIN?

 I am sure she got annoyed with me following her around with the camera, but I don't care. I wouldn't trade that smile for anything in the world. A few moments later, after explaining everything to us, the nurse put her into the scanner. It was very cool and I was able to get a bunch of pictures. And, surprisingly enough, I was able to talk to her most of the time.

There she goes... this was the part where they scanned her legs...

First, she was put in with her head the other way around, and this was the last part, where they were scanning her calves and feet. Sweet angel, all I could think was God, I truly hope this scan comes back alright. She needs to return to her 'normal' life now.... this has just been a station break, and everything will return to normal soon...

I have faith in the Lord that this is all going to be okay. And, just as importantly, I have faith in my little family. As I looked into her eyes, I knew that we were going to be alright no matter what the outcome of this (or any other) test. God has equipped us to and will continue to give us the strength that we need to handle ANY situation.

As I tucked her in tonight, she said that she thought every day was going to be terrible like this one and said that she wishes she never found "Ouchie the Bump", and I told her that it is going to be okay. All we can do is go into this life one day at a time.

I realize that there are a TON of kiddos out there, far sicker than mine and tonight my heart goes out to them and their families. I realize like I've never realized just how hard this can be on the families as well as the children themselves. I am just truly sorry if your child has or had to suffer a rare illness of any kind. My heart goes out to you!

Can I just eat, please?

I heard these lyrics today again for the millionth time I wanted to share them with you...

Sara Beth is scared to death

To hear what the doctor will say

She hasn't been well

Since the day that she fell

and the bruise that just won't go away

so she sits and she waits with her mother and dad

and flips through an old magazine

Till the nurse with a smile stands at the door

and says Will You Please Come with Me?

Sara Beth is scared to death

cause the doctor just told her the news

between the red cells and white

somethings not right

but we're gonna take care of you

six chances in ten it won't come back again

with the therapy we're gonna try

its just been approved it's the strongest there is

and i think we caught in time

and sara beth closes her eyes

and she dreams she dancing around and around

without any cares

and her very first love

is holding her close

and the soft wind is blowing her hair

Sara beth is scared to death

as she sits holding her mom

cause it would be a mistake

for someone to take a girl with no hair to the prom

for this morning right there on her pillow

was the cruelest of any surprise

and she cried when she gathered it all in her hands

the proof that she couldn't deny

sara beth closes her eyes

and she dreams she dancing around and around

without any cares

and her very first love

is holding her close

and the soft wind was blowing her hair

it's quarter till seven

that boy's at the door

and her daddy ushers him in

when he takes off his cap they all start to cry

cause this morning where his hair had been

softly she touches just skin

and they go dancing around and around

without any cares

and her very first true love

is holding her close

for a moment she isn't scared...

"Skin" by Rascal Flatts

Goodnight friends, J.