The last few days have been hard. There's no other way to put it. I went to the orthopaedist to get my MRI results yesterday, which was something that I have been dreading. I would much rather have my teeth drilled, get up and speak in front of thousands and sing karaoke with a cold than get the results of the MRI. Frankly, I knew what they were going to say. I knew he was going to tell me I had a badly herniated disc and that I needed surgery. My fiance had already looked at the MRI films, as had I, and we had been able to see clearly that there was a bad herniation and a degeneration in another disc that isn't far behind the ruptured one. I have been in a lot of pain, but have put it off for months because of the kids' problems.
And, well, I just don't like the idea of having to have surgery... but after the GI doc told me I can't be on anti-inflammatory meds anymore because they're tearing up my stomach, well something had to give. A few weeks ago, when I threw my back out as we were going in for Sophie's MRI, I knew I needed to do something. So, I got into the room and heard the doctor's squeaky tennis shoes creeping closer to my door. He put his little rubber hammer down, and said, "Let's just talk..." I said, "What did it say?" He tactfully tried to lay out my options, but explained that he knew what I would probably want to do. He said that epidural injections and PT may buy us a little time, but that surgery was going to give me quality of life and prevent nerve damage. I am scared to death at this point. So, he talks a little more and all I can hear is "Wah wah wah (think Charlie Brown's mom here)" and I am led by the Yale educated doctor out to the screen where he shows me my MRI pictures in more detail. He says, "here's the herniation, and here's where it's pushing the nerves that control your left leg, and your right" All I could do was choke back tears as I walked back to the exam room. I said that I needed to know what kind of recovery was involved in something like this. He explained, and I probably heard half of what he said. He gave me a pamphlet and then said to think it through and to let him know, but encouraged me to get on his schedule because he only does surgery one day a week. I thanked him and a nice young lady walked in and had me go out into the waiting area. A thought cloud formed above my head.... "Surgery??... Sigh... Don't they know my daughter has LCH and my son has Epilepsy and CP? Don't they know I have a friggin' nough on my plate without THIS?" I started to text my family and then got called back to get on the schedule. I talked to my family and friends and am definitely getting a second opinion. Please say a little prayer for me. I would be grateful!
Well something absolutely wonderful happened tonight. I got to talk to Sophie with Aiden in my lap while she was in South Padre Island visiting the other side of her family. Though some people may not think this kind of technology is amazing, for us it absolutely was.
See, I have only been using Skype for a few months. And, well Sophie was just diagnosed with LCH in January, so having her gone this summer has been a gut wrenching time to say the very least. I also was absolutely amazed to see the two kiddos interacting. And, as a bonus, Aiden initiated a lot of their interactions, from "fist bumps" to "high-bye" (aka. high-fives) as well as blowing kisses over the computer. To me, with his developmental issues, and yearning to see her sweet face again after all we've been through this year, this absolutely and 110% MADE MY DAY. Sophie's dad and I may not always get along, but he and his mom get major brownie points for facilitating this interaction. Thank you.
My thought for a Tuesday... Tonight I want to pray for all the parents out there. I want to pray that God come between you and your ex and/or current spouse and intervene in a way that is positive for the children. May you always remember that there are precious little hearts and minds at stake in every parental situation and may you be blessed in knowing that you have the power to enrich them. May every day you be granted peace in knowing that you made the best choices possible with the day you have. Today is all we have, people. You can plan for tomorrow, but LIVE LIFE FULLY TODAY.
Dear God,
May we find peace in knowing YOU more. May we share you with our children through our example so that our children will see the love you first gave to us through your Son, Jesus Christ. And tonight, may we remember Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." God, we try to make the best decisions for our children and ourselves TODAY. And, in spite of our mistakes, you remind us continually that you've got us covered for tomorrow without us having to do anything to earn it. God, help us to have peace in knowing that you've got our back, and that you will give us the stamina to push through another day and live it fully through your strength and love.
Amen.
Goodnight friends,
J
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